It's the battle of the Bs for the D, folks and we got two new Bs in the fold. Joining Bernie, Biden, Beta, Booty Judge, Benenet and our old pal Spartacus is Bullock and de Blasio.
One's a fine Rocky Mountain oyster, the other makes new yorkers wish Ed Koch was still mayor. How much do you want to bet this character loses to the Booty Judge even though Booty runs a town 1/80th the size.
Oh my, I hope you fellers enjoyed the debates as much as I have. We had everything. Beta hablaing the espanol. Kamala being sassy. Uncle Joe talking about how you can't just let those blacks run amok...the crystal lady!
But we can't forget the candidates that weren't there! Where was Seth Moulton? Where was Mike Gravel? Where was Wayne Messam? What about Steve Bullock? Some guy even started running a week before the debates (not Stacey Abrams)! He's lost not one, but two Senate races, so take that, Beta! Sestak4lyfe!
Oh my, I hope you fellers enjoyed the debates as much as I have. We had everything. Beta hablaing the espanol. Kamala being sassy. Uncle Joe talking about how you can't just let those blacks run amok...the crystal lady!
But we can't forget the candidates that weren't there! Where was Seth Moulton? Where was Mike Gravel? Where was Wayne Messam? What about Steve Bullock? Some guy even started running a week before the debates (not Stacey Abrams)! He's lost not one, but two Senate races, so take that, Beta! Sestak4lyfe!
My friends, we have news! Number 26 is getting in the race! That's right, 26 candidates for the Dzz. And it's a billionaire hedge fund owner! Right up the Dzz alley. No billionaires in the race, yet. Gotta have them represented!
Gotta has me conflicted with my loyalty to the booty judge. Why vote for the guy that rims billionaires when you can just vote for a billionaire anyway! Nah...still TEAM BOOTY JUDGE!
My friends, it's been a while and I thought I was finished, but now things have gotten crazy. First, the man, the myth, the legend, Litte Mikey is set to declare for Presidents! Billionaires are like, why pay the candidates when I can just be president myself.
But we're not done yet. Two dudes are saying, it's time for a STRAIGHT black man in the election. We've got D-Val Patrick and E-Ric Holder about to get in the race.
But surely that's it. No more candidates. We can't take any more...
...wait what's that? It can't be!?
Oh no, she's coming back... https://youtu.be/cKDHioNLb4I
My friends, it's been a while and I thought I was finished, but now things have gotten crazy. First, the man, the myth, the legend, Litte Mikey is set to declare for Presidents! Billionaires are like, why pay the candidates when I can just be president myself.
https://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/afb111119dAPR20191111044509.jpg
Things have finally settled down my friends. From 27 candidates, we're down to eight:
Chairman of the Politburo Sanders
Pocahontas
Sleepy Joe
Angry Amy
Tulsi Gabs
Little Mikey B
Trans Tom
and the Booty Judge.
But what's this I hear: Mini Mike is making a radical move. He's WITH HER!
Five candidates left, but we know who it's really between: Comrade Bernie and Uncle Joe!
In one corner, we have a cranky guy who we all agree with in principle, but won't vote for because deep down we know we are the 1% and he threatens our position.
In the other corner we've got a guy who beats Trump on paper, but...supported Iraq while Trump opposed it, has a ton of corruption scandals, is on the wrong side of sexual harassment, seems to be a shill for large corporations at any opportunity and gets support from black political machines that black people dislike and end up not turning out for in the general. I mean, we might as well call Uncle Joe, Crooked Hillary...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKDHioNLb4I&feature=youtu.be
